Img created using Bing co-pilot
Are you trying to have full control over the steering wheel of your kids life driven by the best intentions to make them stand out and achieve more? Its common aspiration among parents to give our children every opportunity to excel. However, there is a fine line between providing opportunities and over-scheduling which could overwhelm both parents and kids. Let’s explore how we can navigate this balance together.
Baby - Adolescent: Are you evolving?
When a baby is born, parents attend to every basic need of their child. As they start growing up, we encourage them to manage themselves. What worked when they were babies – providing structure, nurturing, guidance needs to adapt as well as they become more independent. It’s not the same anymore. As parents are we also evolving in our parenting style as they grow? Or are we applying the same approach with an adolescent as well?
Overscheduling :
To give the best of the experiences and variety of exposure do you make sure their calendar is busy and completely booked? Back-back classes switching from one context to another in upskilling them. As parents, what we end up doing is: running a reminder service for their day, plan their to-do list and make sure there is no time wasted. First few days seem to be great. Then what could happen? It might start to take a toll on sleep, reduced play time or outdoor time, family bonding time etc., Later, it might need to long term consequences like procrastination, burn out, lack of motivation and so on. You may ask: Isn’t it fair to raise the bar and help them grow? Of course, yes. At what cost?
Holistic approach:
I am encouraging to give it a holistic approach. Remember being a kid doesn’t mean they don’t have emotional needs. In fact, during adolescent stage they go through a lot of emotional changes as well. Let your goals also include these holistic needs beyond achievement oriented activity tracking. After all, parts of the body are connected.
During the crucial period of adolescent stage, they need a trusted source to share their emotions and feelings. Author Dr.Dan Siegel calls this as attachment model in his book Brainstorm. Who is the attachment model for your kids? If it is you, are you giving that space and time for them to be themselves and share their thoughts and feelings?
Suggestions to consider:
Here are three suggestions for parents of teens/youth to consider:
1. Track time spent on sleep, family bonding, healthy discussions around various topics they bring back from school and friends.
2. Encourage them to own their day. Let their calendar be aligned with their interests and responsibilities. (Refer to the link** at the bottom of the page for a perspective on responsibility by well-known Indian philosopher and Orator Jiddu Krishnamurthy)
3. Encourage them to have down time for unstructured play, relaxation and activities of their choice.(of course with healthy boundary)
I am writing this today as I hear this from many parents and kids on their adolescents not listening to them. Let’s change the narrative here and start listening to them, understanding them and role model the behaviour as a leader. I understand being a parent is an emotional role and that might prevent one from seeing the reality. If you are able to partner well with your kid and help them achieve their dream, that’s great. Kudos and continue the great work. Do take a moment to drop a note on the chat box to share your experience on what is working well.
Otherwise, do send a note on what your struggle is. Let’s join hands to create a meaningful life for our future leaders. If you believe your teen could balance more, manage time better, communicate better, click here for a clarification call with me on how we could take this forward: https://www.coachingwithlaks.com/booksession
**Link to video on responsibility referenced above : https://youtu.be/oq6HQUPFGEM?feature=shared
Comments