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Procrastination - we keep hearing this from adolescents and adults alike. It is a misalignment in what one thinks, says and does. This alignment among all three is referred as Thrikaranasudhi in Hindu dharma.
So what are we doing ? A couple of possibilities:
1. We want to do something, keep thinking about it, get caught up in the thought spiral and not take any action.
2. We start doing things but not make progress and end up dropping it or turn it into a wish someday narrative.
Though procrastination happens for a wide variety of reasons which could be obvious or deep rooted beliefs / trauma related. As a coach, I focus on goal based approaches, action planning and moving forward.
One of my clients in early teen along with parent came to me and said ‘I need to work on time management and I procrastinate. I want to utilize the time better, study well and get better outcomes.’ A classic need that arises among students. When I ask: What exactly you want to achieve, they may say a blanket statement like I want to get better at Time management. :) It’s a good starting point.
Then I suggested to have a couple of sessions on Goal setting to begin with.
You may ask : How is Goal setting related to Procrastination? Let me answer that as you read along.
Our Mind an elastic container:
Most often what happens is : we over index on the thoughts. Imagine a container with elastic bandwidth – that’s our mind. And we utilize its capacity to dump anything and everything we want. Then what happens? We dream on doing certain things, say becoming an Engineer and landing in a dream job, owning a house, car, traveling places. And the dreaming continues and we keep exploring in every desire that comes our way. Sure, sky is the limit. At the same time, what is happening in reality is : clarity is diminishing on what to pick up, where to pick up and how to proceed and when to end and when to move next. We feel we are stuck. Sounds familiar?
Goal setting:
That’s where goal setting comes into picture. To the teen, I conducted a few coaching sessions (not advising sessions) to enable clarity in thoughts and goals. Now, client automatically felt the confidence to march forward as they gain clarity on what they are behind. No doubt, Parent is an expert in setting goal, prioritizing and teaching them to their kid based on their expertise and experiences from personal and professional life. However, kids might start to rebel or show opposition. Where is the problem? Kids start feeling that they are missing the time with their parent. The needs of emotional warmth, sharing and connection is missing. Instead, what they receive is: advising on planning, execution, prioritizing, task tracking, completion.
So what happens in a coaching session?
My mantra is: Evoking awareness without advising. Even while setting goal, client is in the centre of the discussion, none of my qualifications or my experiences. They are given the space to discover themselves. When they are stuck, I bring in a few techniques to help them move forward.
I act like a mirror to reflect back and as a catalyst to stir the conversation.
You won’t believe, after a couple of sessions, the client said, : “I am learning that on one hand, I want to have fun and end up postponing what I want to do. On the other hand, I end up burning mid night oil, sleep less, get irritated and not being happy. And, I am changing some of my routines to progress towards my goals.”
And that’s progress - enabling them from the thinking mode to action mode. Super humbled to be part of the village of the adolescent community.
As Galileo says “You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself.”
A million dollar question that parents share during initial consultation is: I told them you are doing this coaching service and I’m sure my kid will get benefitted. But my kid said : I don’t need any sessions. My two cents to you:
1. Start early and now is better than never.
2. Give it a try for a couple of sessions and let them decide whether to continue.
Remember, resistance could be an instinctive reaction not necessarily a thoughtful one!
Drop a note in the chat box or email me for a consultation call. See you in the next one.
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