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What? You want to hire a coach just to shape up your adolescents thinking and growth? Can’t parents do this? Does this sound familiar?
The interesting part of being an adolescent coach is the opportunities that I get with both adolescents and parents no matter where I am. Be it a conversation with a fellow traveller, at a friend’s place or at a family get together. There is always someone who is interested in striking a conversation. During one such conversation, a parent raised this question : ‘Why would parents approach a life skills coach for their adolescents? Can’t they handle it themselves?’ And, I want to address it in today’s post.
Let’s understand a bit on what it requires for a parent to be a coach. Lets take a hypothetical situation: Say, your adolescent come up with a statement : ‘I’m interested in pursuing college education that is required to get into one of those top notch high paying companies. The aspiration is great but you are noticing that the reality is not matching. In these situations, parent’s instinctive thinking goes to: what classes could we enroll them further to strengthen their skill and after a few months they find even that is not paying off. And the gap still remains the same. What do we do now? What interventions could we provide? Should we approach someone like a professional coach or do it all by ourselves?
I would like to share a few pointers to consider here before you decide :
1. Focused Attention: Coaches dedicate time, energy and other resources towards your kids growth and have specialized skills.
Question to ask yourself: Do you have the dedicated time and skill set to wear coach hat and invoke awareness in them to take them to the desired destination?
2. Emotional Complexities: Like water on a lotus leaf, coaches remain detached. They have the skill to empathise but not get carried away in the emotional whirlwind as they coach.
Question to ask yourself: In emotionally complex parent-child dynamics, can you stay calm and focus on outcome without getting lost in emotions?
3. Balancing: Mostly Coaches prefer having their own coach to become aware on their blind spots, blockers and have an established rhythm to maintain their inner balance without getting into conflicting roles.
Question to ask yourself: How will you and your kids balance the potential conflicts arising from being a coach and a parent?
Remember, your kid might look up to you as an attachment model to share their emotions, vent out / look for those supportive shoulders to cry and lean in.
4. Objectivity: Coaches keenly observe your verbal and non-verbal cues and share observations, feedback and also feed forward.
Question to ask yourself: Can you share your perspectives without driving your own solutions/agenda?
5. Patience: Coaches are comfortable dealing with silence, unknowns and giving the required time for the magic to happen without jumping into advising or solutioning mode. They don’t expect overnight results.
Question to ask yourself: Can you patiently partner with your kid and constantly coach them by giving the required time to see results? Most importantly, can you stay away from advising and problem solving for them at the same time enabling them to own decisions?
More than anything, does your kid feel it is a safe space for them to express their thought as it is without the fear of getting penalised and at the same time make progress towards their goal?
This topic is crucial for maintaining healthy parent-teen dynamics, ensuring effective development, and providing a supportive environment at home. Reflecting on these questions can help you determine if a professional coach might be a better fit to empower your teen, build their confidence, and improve their performance.
Your support as a parent is irreplaceable. Sometimes, bringing in a coach could be a winning strategy. Do leave your comments on what you think and how it has worked for you. If you find this informative, do spread the word by liking/sharing. If you would like to send a private note, write to me : coachingwithLaks AT gmail.com or drop a note at the chat box.
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